


I am Not a Princess!

by Woahman



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Frodo is a cutie, M/M, Thor - Freeform, bilbo is a cutie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-24 14:18:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9755879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woahman/pseuds/Woahman
Summary: Gandalf and co. Show up at Bilbos doorstep and ask, none too politely, to crash at his place and finalize their plan to retake their mountain, hopefully gaining a burglar or two in the process. Frodo is excited, Thorin has a crush, and Bilbo just want to finish planting his tulips.





	1. Chapter 1

Thorin Oakenshield and his company of Dwarrows were led by Gandalf the Grey into the calm green hills of the Shire around midday. The sun was shining and they could see many Hobbits of all ages going about their business. Many of the Hobbits would discretely look over to the odd bunch of visitors and although the company would most likely be the latest gossip the Hobbits simply went about their days after deeming them harmless. Fauntlings were running all over and a few tried to approach but as soon as they got too close an older Hobbit would pull them away or they would become frightened when a Dwarf would look their way and simply scamper off. Gandalf had said he knew the perfect place for them to rest and work out the final intricacies of their plan he also hinted at the possibility of gaining the much needed burglar they were searching for. Thorin doubted how such a small and flimsy creature such as a Hobbit could ever help them on their quest, but Gandalf assured them that Hobbits had quite a lot of tricks up their sleeves. As they continued their walk through the Shire they finally came across the smial Gandalf had been looking for, it was a little ways away from the others and a bit larger in size with a lovely garden in front with a gate and a bench. Gandalf pushed through the Dwarves and went right through the gate where he then leaned down to knock on the small, round, green door.

 

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Frodo woke up that morning to the sun rising just above the hills and the smell of his uncles cooking in the kitchen, he didn’t to get up just yet so he opted to attempting to guess exactly what Bilbo was going to serve them for breakfast. He could definitely smell bacon and eggs, biscuits were always there, hmm maybe scones? No, wait, they were cinnamon rolls, wait, maybe tarts, uncle Bilbo was awfully good at making tarts… Oh forget it, I’ll just have to get up and see for myself. Frodo thought as he hauled himself out of his comfy bed and placed his furry feet on the cold ground heading off towards the kitchen. As he got closer he could hear Bilbo humming softly while hovered over the stove doing what seemed to be a bajillion things at once, stirring the eggs, checking the bacon, setting the biscuits in a basket off to the side to cool, and finally the mysterious sweet smell was revealed to be pancakes which were almost done. He quickly snatched a biscuit from the basket and went on a hunt for the honey, his tiny Hobbity feet making small noises on the floor. Bilbo tutted at the theft of his cooling biscuit but made no move to stop his tiny nephew as he watched with a small smile and barely contained amusement. “Its right here lad.” Bilbo laughed as he handed Frodo the container of honey and finished preparing the food, setting it on the table and pulling out a chair for his adorable nephew. Frodo jumped into the seat and began to swing his legs and nibble on his biscuit now with a liberal coating of fresh honey they had gotten just the other day from passing merchants. “ what’re we gonna do today?” he asked as politely as he could with crumbs flying out of his mouth. “Chew first then speak please Frodo darling.” Bilbo huffed while filling a plate for Frodo.”I was thinking about working in the back garden today, see if I can get those plants from Bree to grow in this climate, but first I’ll need help on a little adventure to the market for some tomato seeds. The evil snails seemed to have gotten to them in the night.” Frodo laughed “I wanna go on an adventure! Can I come!” he squealed as he dug into his breakfast. “Of course! What kind of adventure would it be with only me by my lonesome, the snails might attack me on my return and I’ll have no brave warrior to save me, If we hurry we might manage to get everything done before Second Breakfast!” Frodo began to shovel food in faster, hoping to get started on the market adventure sooner rather than later, it was always a race to see if they could run about the town getting what they needed and make it back in time for a leisurely meal before the day truly began.

 

Hopping about the market place greeting other Hobbits and neighbors as the Shire began to wake up and resume their regular chores was probably a sight Frodo would never tire of, the entire area seemed to suddenly come alive right before his very eyes and shops would open, people would smile and greet him, occasionally Bilbo would stop for a short conversation much to Frodo’s chargen, the adventure must not be delayed after all, even if it was just for tomato seeds and maybe salt to scare off the snails. When they finally made it to the little shop where Bilbo knew the best seeds were Frodo was already picking out flowers he wanted in the back garden, he knew Bilbo wouldn’t leave with just tomato seeds if he was going to be working on the back garden all day, he chose the ones he knew Bilbo would want as well as the ones he liked the best. He paused when he saw a small acorn sitting next to the tulips and picked it up. “Uncle? What does this seed grow into?” he knew it would grow into a tree but he’d always been better at identifying flower seeds, not tree seeds. “Oh, I do believe that’s an oak, although it takes a very long time to grow we could plant it if you like.” Frodo that for a moment before adding it to the basket with the other plants he had picked out. They did end up picking up a chunk of salt as well before heading back home, making it back just in time for second breakfast.

Frodo became quite tired after the meal though so opted to curling up in the lounge chair to take a nap before heading out to help Bilbo in the garden. He knew he had been asleep for awhile when he suddenly awoke, as it looked to be about midday now, and sat up to stretch. He wondered what exactly had woken him as he looked around still a bit sleepy from his nap He received his answer when he heard a knock at the door. He got up to and rushed to the door before pulling it open expecting to see Sam or another passing Hobbit or maybe even Bilbo if he had accidentally locked himself out somehow. What he did not expect, however, was a tall old man in a pointy hat and a bunch of Dwarves.

 

\-------

 

Gandalf knocked once and waited. After a moment and hearing so movement from inside the smial he knocked a second time a bit louder. He can honestly say he was quite surprised when instead of the son of Belladonna, a small, black haired, blue eyed Hobbit opened the door and stared up at them. He could see the panic on the little faunts face as he seemed to grasp that he did not know these people and had apparently been taught the rules of stranger danger as he made to close the door. “Ah, wait. Is this the house of Bilbo Baggins?” The little Hobbit paused but moved a bit more behind the door ready to bolt at any given notice but managed to squeak out an answer “Yes, this is Bag End, why?” All the Dwarves hearts melted a bit at the scared little boy. “Well I’m here to speak with Bilbo Baggins of Bag End, is he here?” Gandalf asked as softly as he could, not wanting to frighten the boy further. The faunt seemed to brighten at the mention of Bilbo though and opened the door a bit wider stepping out. “Of course!” and with that the young boy lifted his hands to cup around his mouth took a deep breath and yelled, “UNCLE BILBO!” as loud as he possibly could, which was quite loud and a couple of the dwarves looked a bit shocked that such a small thing could create such a loud noise. They were knocked out of their trance when a yelp was heard from behind the smial followed by a thud, it seemed someone else was also a bit startled by the sudden noise. Not even a moment later however another Hobbit made its way to the front of the smial holding a dirt covered trowel in one hand and a tulip in the other.  
He paused when he saw the group and the smaller Hobbit and suddenly the trowel looked far more deadly than it had a moment ago as the Hobbit tightened his grip on it. The little one ran immediately behind the bigger Hobbit latching onto the dirt covered pants and peeking out at the group at the front door. “And who might you be?” asked the Hobbit looking cautiously between the dwarves and the wizard. 

 

\----


	2. Questions

The Hobbit continued to stare suspiciously at them until recognition flashed across his face and he lit up in a blinding smile. “Oh! Are you Gandalf the Grey?” Gandalf seemed taken aback that he was recognized but quickly recovered with a smile of his own, “Why yes, that would indeed be I. Are you, pray tell, Bilbo Baggins son of Belladonna?”asked the wizard. “Indeed I am welcome to Bag End. Do please come in for tea! I apologize for my lack of elegance at the moment I was working in the garden.” The hobbit, Bilbo, began to usher all of them into the his home as the faunt following behind him giggling at the incredulous looks given by the surprised guests at the sudden welcome they’re receiving.   
Once they had all been strategically placed in the dining room Bilbo spoke again, looking all of them in the eye,lingering a moment at Thorin's’, “Now that you all know who I am, I must ask who are you?” His grip on the gardening tool not yet loosening. A big burly Dwarf with a shaved head stood up first and seemed to start a chain reaction of introductions, “I’m Dwalin.” followed another “I’m his brother Balin” and another, “Dori and these are my brothers Nori and Ori” “I’m Bofur and these are my brothers Bifur and Bombur.” “I’m Oin and this is Gloin.” “I’m Fili,” “I’m Kili!” “And this, Bilbo Baggins is the leader of the company, Thorin Oakenshield.” finished Gandalf with a smile. “I’m Frodo!” the little faunt giggled as he held onto Bilbo’s pants, eyes shining as he stared up at all the strange people gathered around his table. Bilbo chuckled and looked down at Frodo before he remembered the task at hand and turned back to the wizard caution in his eyes but unmistakable curiosity as well. “Well now I know who you all are, next question would be why all of you are here in the first place. I find it highly unlikely you came all this way for a cup of tea and a nice chat.” Bilbo tutted a hand on his hip and brows furrowed, Frodo doing his best to mimic his uncle but appearing far more adorable than intended. The dwarves shifted nervously as Gandalf cleared his throat, “Well I have a proposition for you, although it may be better to talk about without so many curious eyes in the room.” Bilbo sighed as he gazed at the wizard searching his eyes for any sign of deceiving before glancing at Frodo, “Very well, come with me to the study.” Bilbo quietly shuffled out of the room before turning and looking straight into Frodo’s eyes “If anyone does anything questionable scream.” Frodo gave a salute and a smile as the dwarves looked affronted at the insinuations, protests already beginning to sound but silenced at Thorin’s warning glare. Bilbo looked around one last time hesitant to leave before finally shuffling out of the room followed by Gandalf.

 

\----------

 

Frodo looked up at all the strangers and tried to hold down his curiosity as he put on his best stern face and began sizing up all the dwarves getting a better look at them now that he was in charge while Bilbo was talking to the funny looking wizard in the tall hat. All of them but one had humongous beards and so he voiced the first thing that came to his head, “Do you ever hide things in your beards?” he clapped his tiny hands over his mouth immediately realizing that was probably a bit rude of him to say to his guests, but he still wanted to know so instead of apologizing he looked up hesitantly to the nearest dwarf, who happened to be the one introduced as Ori. The dwarf seemed to panic a bit after realizing he was the one being spoken to before replying to the little hobbit. “Well I personally don’t but I can’t say the same for everyone here.” He glanced around at his fellow dwarves hoping that was the correct answer. “Oh, so you can? If you were to hide something in your beard what would you hide?” Frodo smiled up at Ori, elated to have his question answered and eager to ask more about his strange company. “Now, now, I think this would work out a bit better if we took turns! We want to know about you too!” interrupted a dwarf with blonde hair followed by a “Yeah!” from the dwarf with little beard, Frodo was pretty sure their names were Fili and Kili but he wasn’t sure which was which yet. “Sure! It’ll be like a game!” Frodo responded before anyone else could but in with other ideas. “I’ve asked my question so now it’s your turn, since I asked Ori now he gets to ask me a question and we can go around in a circle. Okay?” the dwarves all nodded in confirmation some chuckling at the childishness of it all. “Um, alright, lets see…”

 

\---------

“Alright now what is it you came here for Gandalf? And why did you bring along all of them?” Bilbo looked the wizard up in down and crossed his arms before setting the trowel down on a nearby table his fingers sore from the grip he had placed on the gardening tool. “Well I would like to take you on an adventure.” Bilbo looked unamused. “No.” Gandalf sighed dramatically.

 

\-------

“I really like tarts but Uncle said if I eat too many my tummy would hurt so I guess if I had to eat a hundred of something it’d be blueberries because they’re small and go in tarts.” Frodo announced small fist under his chin in thought. Bombur gave a thoughtful nod at the answer to his question and the other all murmured in agreement. “Alright my turn!” exclaimed Frodo in excitement as he turned to the final dwarf in the circle. “Have you ever been on an adventure?” Thorin looked at the little faunt and tried not to scowl in thought. “We’re about to go on an adventure of sorts.” he answered bluntly. Frodo’s face lit up in awe and he bounced up and down as streams of questions left his mouth eyes alight with interest and fists clenched in anticipation, a couple of the dwarves looked taken aback at the sudden enthusiasm but most just chuckled. “Are you gonna save a princess? Are you all knights? Will you fight a dragon? Is that why you have a wizard? Is the wizard really evil? Do you have the good wizard and you’re going to fight the evil wizard? Will there be Elves? I’ve never met an elf before. Do you have a treasure map? What about” “Whoa,whoa slow it down lad.” interrupted Dwalin, “We can’t answer all your questions at once, plus now it’s Thorin’s turn. Frodo looked sheepish before he turned back to Thorin. Thorin took an extra long time coming up with his question, taking a breath only to shake his head and look thoughtful again before finally asking “Do you like adventures?”


	3. I will not!

“Now Gandalf, I understand, well no I really don’t actually. Why on earth do you need me to come along? I have a child to take care of, I’ve got tulips to plant! I don’t need life and death danger added to my to-do list!” Bilbo had begun pacing as he spoke, arms flailing about sporadically in an effort to get his frustration across.  
“Well I wasn’t expecting the child in all honesty.”  
“That’s it! You weren’t expecting the child! You disappear for years, suddenly reappear at my doorstep, not only that but with a committee of Dwarrow, tell me about some strange quest that has nothing to do with me, and that’s it! I will not be going on this suicide mission. Thank you very much but I do value my life, and that of Frodo's.” Bilbo finally stopped stomping around the room and dropped heavily into an armchair. Gandalf was preparing to speak before a loud shout could be heard from the living room.

“We’re going on an adventure!?” Bilbo was out of the chair and down the hall, only sparing half a second to glare at the aging wizard.

Bilbo burst into the living room followed closely by Gandalf.  
“We are doing no such thing! Absolutely not.” Crossing his arms Bilbo planted his feet, he would not be moved.  
“Too late. I already agreed, and you said never to break promises.” Frodo mimicked Bilbo’s stance and stared up at his uncle, eyebrows furrowed and pout in place.  
“Well as the adult in this situation I forbid it, therefore the agreement is void. Also I see no written contract.” Bilbo made no smug moves only looked around the room and set his eyes firmly on gandalf, who did indeed look smug.  
“Well I don’t know what void means, and there is a contract, but it’s for you to sign. Because you’re going with me.” Frodo smiled and jumped a little, giddy with excitement.  
“There is absolutely no way I am taking a child on this death march.”  
“But you yourself, as the adult in this situation would consider?” Balin interjected, breaking the tension slightly. Bilbo, having forgotten momentarily about the presence of the dwarves, was stunned into a hesitant silence. Frodo, taking that as Bilbo deciding to think it over, clapped his hand wildly.  
“Alrighty then! Uncle Bilbo will sleep on it!”   
“What? No. I not-” he made a aborted gesture and frustrated grunt before slapping a hand to his forehead. “You know what fine. You all have a week to convince me.” with that Bilbo walked back down the hallway to retrieve his trowel from the study.

 

“The game is afoot!” cried out little Frodo, “I call Kili’s team!” then he grabbed Kili’s arm and rushed out the door, followed by Fili who grabbed Ori along the way.  
“This is the young people team, you guys are the old people team!” and rushed out of the door before any protests could form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been so long! I actually wasn't planning on continuing this, buuuuut changed my mind. sorry this is a short chapter but I'm going to try and start uploading for this story more frequently. Thank you all for the support! :)


	4. Oh Dear

Bilbo, in all his time on Yavannas’ beautiful green earth, had never wanted so much to ignore Lobelias incessant knocking on his front door. What was he supposed to do in such a situation? ‘Why hello Lobelia! Lovely to see you today, don’t mind the dwarves they’re just a new form of decor I’m trying out, how is Ortho?’. Yes that would just go over so splendidly. He had not realized he was pacing until one of the many dwarves, he would have to learn their names, cleared their throat.  
“Should I get the door?” Well at least he was polite.  
“No, no, I’ll get it, she might have a heart attack if she sees you.” If Lobelia laid eyes on a Dwarrow with no explanation the rumours would spread like wildfire… well actually they would probably spread anyway, they most definitely already had at this point. So with that Bilbo ran a hand through his curls before marching towards the door.

 

When he had reached the door he opened it quickly before he had any time to hesitate and change his mind. Lobelias closed fist nearly met his face as she tried to continue knocking but she recovered and straightened up, her face pinched in disgust as always.  
“Bilbo Baggins, What on earth is happening in this house! I just witnessed Frodo running off with three, three, Dwarves! Have you lost more of your mind recently?” She crossed her arms and jutted out a hip, looking smug and not so surreptitiously looking through his doorway. Now Bilbo may be a gentlehobbit, but he had never taken well to such obvious insult and apparently neither had the bald dwarf sitting in the chair behind him flipping idly through a book, because he huffed and shifted. Before he could object, however, Bilbo copied her stance and leaned forward squinting his eyes.  
“I’m sorry is that any of your business? I do recall you saying you wanted nothing to do with, and I quote, the runt. What do you care how I choose to raise him and who he hangs around. I’ve deemed them trustworthy and so has he so what is your cause for distress? Surely you aren’t judging them purely on how they seem? That would be quite unlady like.” Bilbo did a splendid job of acting innocent as he put a hand to his cheek and leaned back in, watching as Lobelia glared daggers and opened her mouth to speak, only to close it again and walk away huffing.

Bilbo shook his head and may have possibly made a slightly rude gesture to the back of his beloved cousin but no one was about to judge him for it, or at least he thought no one had been about. He turned quite a lovely shade of pink when he heard a few chortles and snorts from behind him, some attempting to conceal their delight as Bilbo turned, shutting the door behind him, and walked back through the Smial to his study.

 

“Alright boys, here’s the plan. We gotta convince Master Boggins to join our quest.” Kili said while sitting cross-legged in a circle with the others. Almost simultaneously they all scratched their chins and hummed, causing Frodo to giggle slightly.  
“Well first we ought to learn a bit about him right?” Ori injected with a small raise of his hand and a curious look around. Fili and Kili jumped to their feet,  
“That’s right! How do we find out more about him?” Fili said turning to Kili.  
“We could stalk him secretly!” shouted Kili suddenly.  
“Or we could ask his nephew?” again Ori spoke up from below them, gesturing to a smiling Frodo, amused by their antics. Both Fili and Kili turned to each other and then finally looked down at little Frodo who waved up at them.  
“What can you tell us about him?”  
“Well..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH dear. It would seem as though I've risen from the dead to post a very short chapter. But be not ye afraid! I hereby swear that the next chapter shall be out by probably Saturday night! I've been slacking on this particular fan fiction for far too long and it is time to continue! Thank you so so much to everyone who has decided to continue to read this as well as anyone who is just stopping by! The next chapter I post should be much longer and I should be back on a regular update schedule! I promise my plot holes will be addressed! I appreciate and read all comments left and am always open to criticism and new ideas! Thank you again
> 
> ~Jorm


End file.
